The sun rose
quickly and the heat came with it, this long walk back home seemed to be
endless. Mariah, Taylor and I walk to the convenient store and you’d think we'd
go to the closest one; but instead we walked to the more popular one a few
miles down the road. At the time this seemed like a great idea until we got
about half way there.
Our town is small and for the most part quiet, except for the crickets at night and tractor pulls in the summer. Most people hate it here; the winters can be brutal living on the coast but our sunny beach breeze is worth the long winter wait. It’s not the Bahamas but it’s beautiful and natural.
Although on our walk, it seemed more like a dump of discarded food wrappers, boxes and used condoms. With ever step I take it becomes more unbearable to watch; this walk was a bore and I began to think about my recent trip to Tennessee. Its dry dead air made my mouth become drained and withered. Spitting out my gum atop the pavement I notice no others mashed into its tiny crack, eroding slowly into the ground. A matter of fact I hadn't seen a single piece of trash the whole time, Amanda flicked her cigarette and I remembered how I watched as it danced its way below the curb of the sparkling road.
I wonder why and how there streets where so unbelievably clean; I keep the thought to myself, self consciously believing others wont understand my concerns. We reach the store and buy our self drinks, small but expensive sandwiches. Walking back, it didn’t take long for us to finish our food and drinks, and more still an hour to go.
The best things we found were bottles; all kinds, from Snapple bottles to rum. Mariah picks up a bottle; a crescent moon shape, corked at the top. The bottle was already smashing across the highway before I have time to speak. I quickly join in on this new adventure.
I pick up a bottle, its old and rusty the stench hits me hard, it’s dark but I was sure something had died within it long ago or possibly just recently. I pick up another and dirty brown liquid from the bottle leaks down my arm. I throw it towards the road, it crashes into the pavement. Bad idea; what ever was left splashed all over my purple tank top and shorts. I stop to glare at this ridiculous stunt; I wanted to laugh but held it in.
Taylor "We really shouldn’t be doing this guys, someone is deferentially going to call the police on us." she pleaded.
"Who cares, they aren’t going to do anything were only in middle school, it’s not like they will throw us in jail." I argued.
"Yeah who cares?" Mariah agreed with me.
They always gave off a sudden "POP!" before you heard the smash. Bottles spun through the air, my eyes deceive me; the bottle almost slowed down before yet another one smashed all over the busy road. We laugh while people become angry, honking there horns hoping it could foil our fun. But nothing can, we know the consequences, and are willing to take the chance. We smash bottles for the last forty-five-minutes back to my house, it was exhilarating. Were about seven minutes from my house and the thought of this makes me move quicker. Our bottle throwing died down after awhile.
I'm passing a house, its cover by weeds and vines growing up the tree and along the stone wall lying beneath it. I know this home, it belongs to a classmate of ours, I hadn’t liked her much; I see a yellow flip flop with the word "spam" written across it only feet away. This makes me laugh I want to pick it up but realize I probably shouldn’t so I choose the bottle a long side of it. I picked it up and shouted for Mariah to grab the other I’m grasping lifting off the dead ground below.
I turn my head; a police cruiser drive by on the right side of the road, us being on the left side I'm sure he hadn’t seen me grabbing the bottles. I quickly assume someone has called the cops on us and discretely drop the bottle back down, within seconds the three of us decided its better to run just in case.
"Okay, on three we'll turn around and run into Brittney’s yard and go by woods back home" I say swiftly, knowing I can find my way home.
"One....two...three-" turning around another cruiser comes flying up behind us, almost knocking Taylor over.
"The other way." one of the girls yells to the left of me. as I turn around the cruiser from just seconds ago zooms in and they close us in, the stone wall is covered in poison ivy all the way up the trunk of the tree and cars continue to speed by; crap, no where to go.
The two police men get out of their cars and begin to yell and lecture us. Both the men had dark blue uniforms on with a lot of shinny metal pieces. Looking at the two I can see who's had their job longer as one prides in his work and the other not so much. They take us to our destination, Mariah in one car, Taylor and I in the other. The seats are cold and hard, looking at Taylor I'm distracted by the smudged dirty thick plastic window in between the two seats.
We wait at my house for our parents to arrive, the police told me the three of us will be completing hours of community service after this. I'm extremely angered by his remark, being forced to provide my services isn't what I had in mind for my summer. Mariah and Taylors parents show up first, mine not far behind. They seemed angry until the cops left and they spoke firm but calmly to us all. I haven’t been listening much but from what I understand were going for a ride. The cars stop and were on a nearby street, the sign is missing and I can’t remember its name although I pass it on my way home everyday. Then I'm handed a broom and a dust pan.
"What the hell are we suppose to do with this?" I say to the others, they shrug their shoulders as they are also handed the same damn cleaning brooms.
"You guys are going to clean the road, and sweep up the glass you broke" One young rude police man says with a smirk. I can tell he’s enjoying this and I hate how smug he is.
I laugh “The hell I am" smirking even more then he.
Mariah laughs even louder "You think were going to clean the road?"
"All the glass is already smashed so tiny, it won’t matter now; you’re retarted?" I quickly and surprisingly say to the man. His face becomes red and I know he’s furious.
“You’re going to." He continued to lecture us and we also continue to laugh
We pretended to sweep up a small corner, the situation gets so absurd that he actually goes into the road and slows down traffic.
Our town is small and for the most part quiet, except for the crickets at night and tractor pulls in the summer. Most people hate it here; the winters can be brutal living on the coast but our sunny beach breeze is worth the long winter wait. It’s not the Bahamas but it’s beautiful and natural.
Although on our walk, it seemed more like a dump of discarded food wrappers, boxes and used condoms. With ever step I take it becomes more unbearable to watch; this walk was a bore and I began to think about my recent trip to Tennessee. Its dry dead air made my mouth become drained and withered. Spitting out my gum atop the pavement I notice no others mashed into its tiny crack, eroding slowly into the ground. A matter of fact I hadn't seen a single piece of trash the whole time, Amanda flicked her cigarette and I remembered how I watched as it danced its way below the curb of the sparkling road.
I wonder why and how there streets where so unbelievably clean; I keep the thought to myself, self consciously believing others wont understand my concerns. We reach the store and buy our self drinks, small but expensive sandwiches. Walking back, it didn’t take long for us to finish our food and drinks, and more still an hour to go.
The best things we found were bottles; all kinds, from Snapple bottles to rum. Mariah picks up a bottle; a crescent moon shape, corked at the top. The bottle was already smashing across the highway before I have time to speak. I quickly join in on this new adventure.
I pick up a bottle, its old and rusty the stench hits me hard, it’s dark but I was sure something had died within it long ago or possibly just recently. I pick up another and dirty brown liquid from the bottle leaks down my arm. I throw it towards the road, it crashes into the pavement. Bad idea; what ever was left splashed all over my purple tank top and shorts. I stop to glare at this ridiculous stunt; I wanted to laugh but held it in.
Taylor "We really shouldn’t be doing this guys, someone is deferentially going to call the police on us." she pleaded.
"Who cares, they aren’t going to do anything were only in middle school, it’s not like they will throw us in jail." I argued.
"Yeah who cares?" Mariah agreed with me.
They always gave off a sudden "POP!" before you heard the smash. Bottles spun through the air, my eyes deceive me; the bottle almost slowed down before yet another one smashed all over the busy road. We laugh while people become angry, honking there horns hoping it could foil our fun. But nothing can, we know the consequences, and are willing to take the chance. We smash bottles for the last forty-five-minutes back to my house, it was exhilarating. Were about seven minutes from my house and the thought of this makes me move quicker. Our bottle throwing died down after awhile.
I'm passing a house, its cover by weeds and vines growing up the tree and along the stone wall lying beneath it. I know this home, it belongs to a classmate of ours, I hadn’t liked her much; I see a yellow flip flop with the word "spam" written across it only feet away. This makes me laugh I want to pick it up but realize I probably shouldn’t so I choose the bottle a long side of it. I picked it up and shouted for Mariah to grab the other I’m grasping lifting off the dead ground below.
I turn my head; a police cruiser drive by on the right side of the road, us being on the left side I'm sure he hadn’t seen me grabbing the bottles. I quickly assume someone has called the cops on us and discretely drop the bottle back down, within seconds the three of us decided its better to run just in case.
"Okay, on three we'll turn around and run into Brittney’s yard and go by woods back home" I say swiftly, knowing I can find my way home.
"One....two...three-" turning around another cruiser comes flying up behind us, almost knocking Taylor over.
"The other way." one of the girls yells to the left of me. as I turn around the cruiser from just seconds ago zooms in and they close us in, the stone wall is covered in poison ivy all the way up the trunk of the tree and cars continue to speed by; crap, no where to go.
The two police men get out of their cars and begin to yell and lecture us. Both the men had dark blue uniforms on with a lot of shinny metal pieces. Looking at the two I can see who's had their job longer as one prides in his work and the other not so much. They take us to our destination, Mariah in one car, Taylor and I in the other. The seats are cold and hard, looking at Taylor I'm distracted by the smudged dirty thick plastic window in between the two seats.
We wait at my house for our parents to arrive, the police told me the three of us will be completing hours of community service after this. I'm extremely angered by his remark, being forced to provide my services isn't what I had in mind for my summer. Mariah and Taylors parents show up first, mine not far behind. They seemed angry until the cops left and they spoke firm but calmly to us all. I haven’t been listening much but from what I understand were going for a ride. The cars stop and were on a nearby street, the sign is missing and I can’t remember its name although I pass it on my way home everyday. Then I'm handed a broom and a dust pan.
"What the hell are we suppose to do with this?" I say to the others, they shrug their shoulders as they are also handed the same damn cleaning brooms.
"You guys are going to clean the road, and sweep up the glass you broke" One young rude police man says with a smirk. I can tell he’s enjoying this and I hate how smug he is.
I laugh “The hell I am" smirking even more then he.
Mariah laughs even louder "You think were going to clean the road?"
"All the glass is already smashed so tiny, it won’t matter now; you’re retarted?" I quickly and surprisingly say to the man. His face becomes red and I know he’s furious.
“You’re going to." He continued to lecture us and we also continue to laugh
We pretended to sweep up a small corner, the situation gets so absurd that he actually goes into the road and slows down traffic.
"What an idiot" Taylor
whispers, still nervous he' all hear her.
The men come back and they lecture us for another ten minutes of course before letting us leave.
"You could have killed a family in a mini van; there little kids." he shouts at us, hoping for a positive reaction.
"Why a mini van?" I say holding my smile back; this had been the third time he'd said this to us and I figure he had it coming to him.
"Yeah and I don’t think those small pieces of glass would have flipped over the van." Mariah says. We both bust out laughing, we know he’s angry and we keep fueling his fire.
He takes a breath and calmly says "I have a feeling i'll be seeing you two again." trying to scare us before he gets in his car and drives away, leaving us in the dust from beneeth his tires.
The men come back and they lecture us for another ten minutes of course before letting us leave.
"You could have killed a family in a mini van; there little kids." he shouts at us, hoping for a positive reaction.
"Why a mini van?" I say holding my smile back; this had been the third time he'd said this to us and I figure he had it coming to him.
"Yeah and I don’t think those small pieces of glass would have flipped over the van." Mariah says. We both bust out laughing, we know he’s angry and we keep fueling his fire.
He takes a breath and calmly says "I have a feeling i'll be seeing you two again." trying to scare us before he gets in his car and drives away, leaving us in the dust from beneeth his tires.
A great start, Hailea! I really like your use of detail--nice overall description of the town and roadside litter--just a clear eye throughout (whether it's remembered or imagined, you succeed in giving the reader clear images).
ReplyDeleteI'm a little unclear about what you're trying to say here, or rather what your present-day attitude towards this is. In some places I sense some guilt/shame about the incident, but in other places you seem more objective or scornful of police (not that your attitude can't be mixed, but it makes it harder for me to know what to make of this--maybe that's a good thing though!! something for you to think about though, how much you want to come out and explain what this experience means for you or what you're trying to say by relating it.)
I have some places where I have small "hitches" in understanding what's going on, and I think there are small edits/revisions you might want to make throughout. For example, I like that beginning line, but rest of para. is a bit confusing between walking home and walking there (look at a way to change verbs maybe). And nice establishment of setting in para. 2 (think about order, maybe switch these first two paras?)I get a little confused in para. 3 with the Tennessee ref, about where we are.
Still, overall, I'm very engaged by this, and am looking forward very much to seeing the next draft!!
I tried to make its visual, I guess I hadn't really made it clear enough where I was going with the story.
ReplyDeleteMy paragraph about Tennessee was like a flash back into how I'm comparing the two places ( mass. and ten.) I wasn't sure how to make that exactly clear enough so people understand.
Thanks for the feed back; the people in class didn't give me any feed back and I don't find it fare that I gave a peer review but not one of them had taken the time to read and give me any kind of report on how it was. without that its difficult to see the areas that need work.
I can make some more specific suggestions (depending on what revisions you make) on a final draft, where I can make line-by-line comments. I think overall this is a very successful essay, and I hope you understood that from my comments! The Tenn./Mass. thing is a small point. Do you understand what I mean about not really seeing what your present-day attitude is towards this experience? I see the experience very vividly, just not quite sure what I'm supposed to think about i.
DeleteI understand what you mean about not getting any peer reviews. I think the next time around I will put people in groups, so that (hopefully) they'll feel an obligation to review someone's essay who took the time to review theirs. also I'll just put people in groups who have actually written essays! (If you've got any suggestion about how to make this work better, please feel free to pass along! I'll try the heavy-duty guilt trip.)